Who's your King?
by Desert Butterfly Kana
Summary: a "What if?" fanfiction set after Asuma's death; Shikamaru tries to cope with his mourning yet something will happen to make him understand what his sensei lived for.
1. Ch 1: Mind Game

CH. 1: _**Mind game**_

Tap. Tap. Tap.  
The noise of steps rushing down the stairs, then across the corridor of the Yamanaka flower shop.  
And then, as I see her appearing from behind the corner, her voice.

- Shikamaru!

Enthusiast as I'd never seen her, crystalline and musical.  
She stops right before me, throws back the infinite pigtail of wheat-coloured hair and stares directly in my eyes. Between a sincere smile and her panting breath, she asks:

- We're doing it, right?

Between the moment she finishes the sentence and the one in which I realise how she could predict my arrival at the shop, I stare at her.  
Then I understand: she knows everything. Ino always knows everything. If she doesn't, then she'll find a way to understand it.  
The way she plays with the mind, reads people's mind, turns souls upside down, the exact same way she's able to understand what's behind the faint smile that I'm showing her now.  
We know what we're going towards to. We know to what we'll be preparing as soon as the sun will set.  
We don't know what consequences will it bear. It doesn't matter.  
Tonight, Team 10…Team Asuma…is going to leave, to avenge their sensei. An S-rank mission.  
Three Chuunin against two members of the most mysterious and powerful organization of the Five Ninja Lands.  
I don't care about the mission's outcome. I don't care whether we'll win, lose or die in action. Chouji, Ino and me are perfectly conscious that there is the possibility we're not coming back to Konoha alive. We know.  
And we know the Godaime Hokage will try to prevent us from leaving; that's why we are leaving by night. Only the three of us know, because only the three of us are involved.  
Everything else is an irrelevant detail.

I raise my glance to Ino. She's twisting a lock of hair around her fingers, staring at me with an uncertain look on her face.  
I know that loads of questions are spinning in her mind. I know she won't ask any, not because she's afraid of my answers, but simply because she doesn't want me to know she has some doubts.

- Ino…it's the right thing to do. – I sigh, taking my glance off her. Then, I add: - If you want, you can stay here. Chouji and me can deal with this.  
- Shikamaru…  
- Ino, I don't want to involve you in, if you don't feel up to doing it.  
- Shikamaru, look at me.

A slap hits my face. She's enraged.  
She manages to surprise me, though Asuma's death left me almost apathetic. Except the rage explosion behind closed doors I had last night, obviously.  
With a hand on my cheek, I turn to her.  
Her serious expression, her darkened eyes, her clenched lips make me understand I made a mistake, by saying those words to her. The only person who can stop Ino is Ino herself. The last person who can stop her, it's me. She wouldn't accept it, she doesn't care if I'm "the talented leader".  
I think the sorrow for Asuma's death might have driven me to act a bit like Ino: doing whatever's on her mind is her speciality. Ino masters the art of "it's like this or nothing" almost as her Shintenshin no Jutsu.

- Ino, I have to tell you something…but don't tell anyone, okay?

Ino, surprised by my change in subject, nods silently.

- Kurenai-sensei is pregnant with Asuma's child.

Ino's cerulean eyes, those eyes I'd always adored, though I've never been able to actually love her, open even wider. She raises a hand to her mouth, repressing a gasp, and a single tear slides down her cheek; all this while I keep staring at her without batting an eyelid.  
Inexpressive, while, deep inside me, I want to hug her, to tell her that, if it depended on me, I'd leave her here in Konoha, not risking her life. That I don't want to see another woman cry, because seeing Kurenai-sensei breaking down in front of me was enough. That war is a men thing. That she, Ino, deserves to live.  
But I can't do any of that. Ino would come along anyway, with her stubbornness and sweetness. Ino is built like this. Take it or leave it.

- Ino, probably we won't come back here…we could…  
- Shikamaru, I know that. I've been to the Academy too. – Her words sounded firm, as if she wasn't still drying her eyes, still sobbing.  
- …so, you're sure?

Again, her look on me, her eyes staring at mine's. She's smiling.

- Asuma told me to take care of you, idiot.

Suddenly, it's like someone, behind me, is pushing me ahead. My hands grab Ino's face, while she stiffens. In a second, my lips crush into hers; I feel her suddenly breath out in surprise, and automatically my hands slide to reach her hips, pulling her even closer to me.  
Something, inside me, is progressively melting, and I know it's her, who's making it melt; it's her who's making my hands move along the lines of her body, despite her being still motionless; it's her who's making me push her backwards. I force her to walk backwards, drowning her into my kisses, until we get to the shop's entrance, where Ino's arm stretches out, clinging on the door and closing it behind us.  
I part my lips from hers, as soon as she was starting to respond to my kisses; we stare at each other, silently for a while; our breaths wheezing and our hearts running. At this point, I could just turn around, open the door and leave.

But Ino closed that door; she turned the sign on it, from "Open" to "Closed". Her simple gestures, her hair, ruffled by my hands, her pupils, dilated to merge with the iris' crystalline blue. Her hands, steadily clinging on my shirt. Her mouth slightly half-closed, as if she stopped in the exact moment in which the kiss could grow deeper, and she was still waiting for something following up.  
I can't find, in the Ino who's standing right before me, a single reason to leave the shop. It's like the world is spinning reverse, and it's her, now, who's controlling my shadow. Damn.

I breath in deeply and stroke her cheek; Ino smiles feeling that contact, sweet yet spontaneous, coming from me.  
She comes closer and leans her forehead against mine; her hand leaves my shirt, travels along my neck, making me shiver, and stops on my nape:

- Can I? – she asks, with the same tone of a purring cat.

As I nod, she pulls the band and unleashes my hair. She doesn't let me feel the ends caressing my neck, because this time it's her who's kissing me.  
Delicately, barely pressing against my lips, stroking my neck with her knuckles. And then she makes the kiss more sensual, unclenching her mouth, letting my tongue play with her and doing as much. Now it's her turn to walk backwards, voluntarily this time, step by step, until her hips knock into the counter's edge.  
And it's like we both realise that, once beyond this edge, there's no comeback. Again, I grab her hips in my arms and slightly pull her up the ground, pushing her back on the wooden surface of the counter. Ino instinctively gets up, regaining control on my lips, and slipping her hands under my shirt; then she lays again on her back, drawing me over her.

- Shikamaru… - my name escapes her lips in a long sigh, as soon as my tongue shifts from her mouth to her neck, leaving also some faint bites behind.  
With a fluid motion, Ino manages to take off my shirt, then does the same with her orange top. Gazing at my eyes, a focused look on her face, she takes my hand and places it on her breast.  
And, God, she's so perfect; her warm, fair, soft skin, smooth as melted butter. Her overheated face, her reddened cheeks, her eyes never leaving mine. Her hands smell like flower stalks, her hair, scattered on the counter, are the only thing that shines in the pitch dark shop. Her voice could be like music, if music panted, sighed and called out my name in such a throaty yet melodic sound, full of adrenalin. Her legs never seemed so long, wrapped around my hips, waiting for my next move.

It's always been like this. We passed on the command to each other, then she insisted to take hold of the situation, then it was my turn, then again it was hers; and yet now it's Ino who's trying to anticipate my intentions, because we're reaching a moment we've never thought we'd be sharing.

- Shika…maru…I'm a…  
- I know.

I'd want to tell her not to be afraid. I'd want to tell her I'm a virgin too, that I won't hurt her; that if, during my sixteen years of life, they'd been asking me, each single day, "Who would you want your first time to be with?", my answer would have always been the same. Ino Yamanaka. I'd want to tell her that looking at her makes me feel lost, because I don't feel up to her expectation, because I'm not Sasuke nor Sai, because I'm scared of tomorrow; because I don't want her to risk anything, but I don't want her to be another Kurenai. Because, if I'm going to die, I want her by my side; I don't want someone else to reveal her about my death.  
Because, if I'll ever understand what it means to love someone, I want to be in love with her. Ino Yamanaka.

- Ino, listen…

She shivers a bit, feeling that I'm preparing to slide inside her, yet she looks at me with a quizzical expression on her face, waiting for me to complete my sentence.

- …tonight, leave with Chouji and me…ok?

A smile widens up on her lips: - I'd come no matter what.

- I had no doubt…troublesome woman…

I position myself better and squeeze an arm behind around her back, then I enter her. Her chest is pressed so hard against mine that I can feel her heart beating at a frantic rhythm, like a vibration. Her mouth is pushed on my shoulder, to prevent her from screaming. I don't care, her heat is sufficient to recognize the way she's feeling. And when I feel we're bringing each other to fever pitch, and every muscle of our bodies is contracting, I can't help but think:

"_Asuma…maybe I've found my King too…"_

NOTES: Ok, another ShikaIno longfiction. Let's call it a request by my Sensei :D soooo I hope you'll enjoy this and the next chapters 3


	2. Ch 2: Just forget?

CH. 2: _**Just forget?**_

We did it.  
We wanted revenge, and revenge we had. Kakuzu was killed, against all odds, while Hidan is buried somewhere in the middle of the Nara forest.

I haven't seen Shikamaru since then; he's away on a mission, I don't know where, and I don't know when he will come back.  
For now, it's okay the way it is. I have no idea what I could tell him when I'll meet him; as long as we were focused on the fight, we were adequately distracted, but now…  
Now I can't do anything but thinking about that afternoon, the afternoon before we left.  
The absurd way it all began, the way we shifted from talking to…that. The way HIS attitude changed, sudden, provoking, head-turning. A Shikamaru I'd never seen before.

By now, it's been almost a month since that afternoon. And still, by night, I wonder what happened to us. What set off, in our minds, to make us outstrip that line beyond which, for sixteen years, we'd only dared peeking at. At not together.  
Obviously, I dreamed about Sasuke being my first time; good old days, the ones in which he wasn't yet a criminal and I could hope I'd impress him, somehow.  
Shikamaru, probably, was and is still lusting after that Suna girl, the sister of Gaara.  
Then, why…?  
We can't possibly be attracted to each other. Not Shikamaru and me; I don't fancy guys like Shikamaru, never in my life.  
Did I go completely out of my mind, losing my virginity to someone like him?  
Oh my, not that it wasn't beautiful…rather…if I think back to it, it's almost as I could go back inside the scene. As in a movie.  
I can feel his fingers tangled in my hair, his eyes on my skin, his broken breaths, his arm around me when…

Oh God, stop. It's preposterous.  
Of all the guys I could find among the Five Ninja Nations, I had to do _it _with him. And it had to be exactly like this…impossible to erase. As if those instants were glued to my skin with a mysterious substance, a substance for which there isn't yet any solvent.  
I have to forget it. Because, seriously, it's turning into an obsession. I can't watch a romantic movie on TV, I can't read a romance novel. I link everything back to that afternoon.  
_Every damn thing._

I often wake up, in the middle of the night, and I think I could have just imagined it all; and I tell myself that that explanation could actually make sense to my brain…since my brain still keeps on believing it all happened for real. And that there must be something about Shikamaru which attracts me, since I didn't push him away, when he grabbed my face and kissed me. Obviously, my brain follows logical rules, and logic wants me to find a reason for everything I do.  
But there is no reason for what I did with Shikamaru; it just happened. As many things in life just happen, and that's all. And if they don't make sense, or a future, you just have to forgive and forget.

And that's what I'm going to do. Force myself to forget, because that afternoon won't take me anywhere.  
Just forget.

* * *

Oh no. NO.  
Bloody hell.  
Please, everything, but not this. No, no, no.  
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuuuuuck.

Instinctively, I collapse on the covered toilet seat, while what's in my hand falls on the ground, producing a slight thud. The cold around me is palpable, as if ice was filtering through the walls; I'm in a cold sweat, and I think my heart has just lost a few pumps.  
A smiling little face.  
Eyes crossed, I stare at the information leaflet I'm still squeezing in my hands. I re-read it all again, head to tail. Eleven times.  
_In case a smiling little face appeared on the display, the test should be considered positive.  
_I swallow.  
…_the test should be considered positive.  
_Why?  
_Positive.  
_Why, why, why??  
I grip the two ends of the leaflet until I tear it in half. Fully enraged, with tears in my eyes, I end up chopping it, until even the shortest word becomes unreadable, then throw it all in the bin.  
I can clearly feel my stomach wriggling, and blood flowing freezing in my neck's veins, climbing towards my brain with a vibrating sense of nausea.  
Slowly, I pick up the little pen-shaped thing with the fucking smiling face on the damn display, and I stare at it for a while.  
There, I just found something worse than watching Asuma-sensei die. At least he wasn't looking at me with the same stupid smile this display is showing me. "Congratulations!" he seems about to scream.  
And I might add, I also found a reason for which I can't forget that afternoon with Shikamaru.  
That reason is growing in my lower abdomen. Since five weeks and a half ago.

* * *

DRIIIIIIIIIIIIN.

The doorbell rings while I'm in the bathroom, trying to put up an acceptable look.  
It's the third time I throw up, today. And Sakura will show up here, in less than an hour.  
For the fourth time this morning, I undo my ponytail and re-do it again; for the fourth time, I swallow an anti-acid and rub my reddened eyes.  
For the first time this morning, I startle; mum is calling my name.

- Ino! Are you ready? You've been locked in the bathroom for two hours now!

Obviously, my parents don't have a clue. Actually, I wonder how could they not get suspicious, until now. No one knows, and I don't want anyone to know. Just Sakura, because I want to ask her help.  
I can't keep this baby. But I'm not sure I can get an…interruption of this pregnancy, since I'm only sixteen.  
I hate to admit this, even to myself, but I have to tell Sakura, at least; I must have an answer to my question.

Beyond the locked door, I hear my mum's voice; she's coming up the stairs, closer and closer to the bathroom. But there's another voice, too.  
Oh my God.  
The water-filled glass slips from my hands and shatters on the floor.  
Shikamaru.  
What's he doing here? When did he come back?

- Ino, darling? There's Shikamaru, here with me.

I don't know how, but I manage to gather enough voice to answer: - Yes, mum…erm…  
- Honey, what was that noise? Did you drop something?  
- Erm…yeah, mum…I broke a glass…- I quickly kneel on the ground and start to pick up all the fragments of glass. : - I'm almost done, I'm getting out now. Don't worry, mum.

I hear her sighing, then addressing to Shikamaru. I drop all the fragments and move closer to the door, trying to eavesdrop.

- …right, if you could just ask her what's going on…it's just that…I don't know, she acts weird and all…seriously, Shikamaru…I'm worried.  
Then, I heard her walk away: - Ino, I'm going to the shop. See you tonight, okay?  
- O…okay, mum. Bye.  
- Bye, Shikamaru-kun.  
- See you, Ichiko-sama.

Long, silent instants.

- So? Are you going to come out?

Without answering, I turn the key and open the door, to find him standing in front of me. Hands in his pockets, same old look on his face, same old Shikamaru.  
- What did my mum tell you?  
- Could you tell me what's wrong with you?  
- Don't answer my question with another question!  
- Your mum's worried for you. You should talk to her.  
- It's none of your business, Shikamaru.

He shrugs: - You're right, Ino. But I want to know what's wrong too.  
- Why?  
- Ino, don't answer my question with another question.  
He sighs. Bastard. Then he adds: - Are you avoiding me?  
My hands fiddle with the fishnet on my elbow: - I thought you were on a mission…  
Another sigh: - I came back two weeks ago; I dropped by here at least five times, and each time your parents told me you weren't at home. I called you, and each time you had the answering machine on.

Okay, he's right. I reckon that…lately, every time someone ringed the doorbell, I just screamed "I'm not at home" to my parents. But I didn't ever figure out the one at the door was Shikamaru.

Okay, I figured it out. He always does things like that. Dropping by with no warning, at least once a day, even the days in which there's no training scheduled. I'm getting used to consider it a trait of his personality, of our relationship, if it's correct to define it a "relationship".  
Actually, we're just two guys who met sixteen years ago and started playing together, simply because our families are in great terms, as they're with Chouji's clan. And then we ended up together as a team.  
And now, five years after the day we all became genin, I'm six-weeks pregnant with the child of the boy that's standing right in front of me, with that typical bored expression of him.  
Ah, Shikamaru, if only you knew…  
And now, how am I going to get out of this racket?

_Meanwhile, in Yamanaka's __courtyard:_

- Oh, hi Sakura! Long time no see!  
- Good morning, Inoichi-sama.  
- If you're here for Ino, she's upstairs. Wait a minute, - Inoichi pulled out a bunch of keys from his pocket - …here we go. Actually, I was going to work with my wife, but then I noticed I hadn't greeted my little princess! Do go ahead, Sakura.

A load of shouts greets Inoichi and Sakura as they cross the threshold of the hall. Shouts coming from upstairs, Ino's hysterical voice and Shikamaru's, a lot more moderate.

- What's going on?  
Sakura stands still on the doorstep, but Inoichi's sixth-overprotective-paternal sense has already snapped to attention. And he's already rushing up the stairs.

_First floor_

I'm locked in the bathroom. Once again.  
My hand's palm pressed against the door, trying to find a solution to get out of this mess. Why am I unable to lie, why??  
No, I haven't managed to tell him, yet. But it's too late, in any case: my whole reaction (shouting at him, re-getting into the bathroom, slamming the door, and screaming something like "Leave me alone, this is none of your business, fuck!") must have made something click in his mind, and understanding this is not my usual morning hysteria. There is something else. That's why he's not getting away from the other side of the door, and he keeps telling me to calm down and get out, with his typical, lazy and placid voice.  
Where the hell is Sakura, when I need her??!??!!?

- Ino…  
- What do you want again?  
I swear, if he's going to tell me _again _to calm down, I'm going to kill him.  
- Talk about that afternoon, at the shop.  
Oh my. And now…?  
- We don't have to talk about it. It…it just happened…that's all. Things like that…just happen.  
Why did those words, that sounded so convincing while I planned them in my head, suddenly seemed nothing more than a giant tall story? Why does it sound like I don't believe what I just said?  
- Ino…earthquakes, hurricanes, storms and eclipses are "things that just happen". That…was something we wanted.

Something breaks inside me, and I find myself screaming once again.  
- Oh yeah? Something we wanted? Well, then… - I fling the door open, staring straight in his eyes, completely pissed off - …tell me, mister "hyper-high IQ": the fact I ended up pregnant was a "thing that just happened" or a "something we wanted"??  
I'm left speechless by my own explosion.  
He stares at me, dumbfounded, unable to articulate even the more simple of words.

Suddenly, I hear a clink coming from behind the door, near the stairs. I open the door wider to check, and I nearly have an heart attack.  
Shit.  
Sakura and _my dad_ stand at less than two feet away from us. Both pale, the only difference between them is that my father is going through all the shades ever listed on the colour spectrum.  
And, in that exact moment, I get a certainty: I'm never, ever going to forget that afternoon at the shop.

NOTES: again, my best thanks to my dear Sensei Kumo-chan, for all her precious suggestions, support and fangirling.  
Btw, obviously the "clink" was the sound of Inoichi's keys dropping on the ground :P

See you on the next chapter!


	3. Ch 3: With or without you

CH 3: _**With or without you**_

It's not possible. It's not happening, not for real.  
It's not possible that, this morning, I crawled out of my bed, as I do every morning, and within less than an hour my life has changed forever.  
When I woke up, at six this morning, I was Shikamaru Nara. I was sixteen years old and I was a normal, lazy shinobi from Konoha. Nothing special.

Twenty minutes at Yamanaka's house erased any certainty I had about myself.  
And, all of a sudden, all the maturity I though I gained, after all those years of missions and risking my life, seems reduced to absolute nothing.  
I'm a kid. And this is too much for me. I'm just sixteen, for God's sake.  
This is too much for me.

My head should be filled up with questions, worries, thoughts, swearwords…whatever…and instead I'm staying silent, sitting here on Ino's couch.  
Eight inches between us, I don't dare to touch her or look at her.  
Besides, that's what she's doing too. Just like Sakura; she sits on the other side of Ino, holding her hand, but it's like she wasn't here.  
I can understand her.

Ino stares right in front of herself, lost in the texture of the carpet under the coffee table; every now and then, she startles, when her father raises his voice.  
_Ino…what kind of mess did we got ourselves into??_

- Are you even listening to me, you two? Did you go freaking nuts or what??

Inoichi-sama's voice, repeating for the hundredth time the same questions, still sounds vague, full of abstract queries, to which neither Ino nor me are able to answer.  
It's too much for us.  
Yeah, Ino's mum summoned my parents too. For hours, my mum has been ranting about why do I never pay attention to her, or where was my mind while my father was giving me "the Talk".  
My dad, on the other hand, is sitting on the armchair, his chin on his hand. Completely silent. On the other end of the coffee table, Ino's mum is holding her head in her hands, being, perhaps, the most upset one in this room.

I'm so up shit creek that even a thought like "How troublesome" could cross my mind. It's like my over-200 IQ became nothing more than dust, in the precise moment in which Ino flinged the bathroom door open and shouted at me that she's pregnant.

Suddenly, Inoichi-sama asks the most dreaded question of that "conversation", and it's like the air in the room was instantly sucked out.

- What do you plan to do?

Those six words fluctuate above us, five persons waiting for an answer from us. Or maybe, mainly from Ino.  
For the first time since when her parents forced us to sit here, I dare to turn towards her.

Ino shrugs her shoulders, biting her lips.  
It doesn't look like she's about to cry, nor she seems disposed to give any precise answer.

- Shikamaru…

It's the first time, in the last two hours, that I hear my father's voice. I turn to him, slowly.

- Honestly, what were you thinking about, when… - he stops, and suddenly all those present's attention focuses on us two. - …well, when it happened…?  
- I don't know, dad. – "Find something intelligent to say, fuck! It shouldn't be that hard!" – Erm…I don't know…but we…  
With the corner of my eye, I see Inoichi-sama raising his eyebrows.  
Oh God, help me.

What am I supposed to say?  
What do they _expect_ me to say? That I will take care of this baby?  
I don't even know if Ino is going to keep it! Or is this up to me, as well?  
Is this the kind of decision you're supposed to make together?  
Why did Ino tell me she's pregnant, if she's already intentioned to abort it?  
But is that really her intention?  
Maybe the best thing would be if Ino and I could have some alone time, to talk about this; but, even then, would I be able to say anything, left alone with her?  
And if she actually had the intention to keep it…what should I do? Will I have to take her home with me? To live with her? What will we do when missions will come? Will we have to inform the Hokage?  
Why the fuck didn't I hold on a minute, that afternoon, to simply ask her "Ino, are you on the Pill, or should I wear _that thing_?"?  
Why did my mind disconnect itself, the moment Ino closed the shop's door?  
Because all I saw was her, her, her and her again. Because I could have her all for me; because she didn't reject me, because a sparkle was bickering in her eyes, preventing me from stopping and ask her that simple question; because the forms of her body, the breathtaking way she whispered my name, the frequency of her heart against my chest, the pressure of her fingers on my arms, everything about her told me I could have her, that if I wasted even a single minute I'd have risked to go back to what we were before. Just friends. Just teammates. Just kids.

If, until now, my mind was in stand-by mode, now a flow of clear questions is flooding my brain. Quick, unstoppable, not giving me the time to think of possible answers.  
It's too much for me.  
I can't take care of a child; neither now, nor in eight months.

Now it's Ichiko-sama's turn to speak: - Ino…it's better that we found out about it. You can't…well, you're sixteen…I don't want to give this for granted, but I suppose you thought about…  
Both Ino and I turn to her, and for the first time since when she confessed about the pregnancy, I see Ino's eyes flooding with tears.  
_  
She thought about that._  
_She doesn't want this baby._

I want to cry too. I want to be anywhere but here. I want to go back in time. But the last thing I want is to cancel that afternoon, because now we can't pretend that it didn't happen, that we're still just friends, that it was something done "for the hell of it".  
There's no returning back, there's no forgetting.  
And it's not one of those problems you can find a solution for, just because it's standing in front of you and you have to get rid of it.  
Then why can't I bring myself to define this unborn baby as "something troublesome"?  
What would I give to know what's going through Ino's mind.  
What would I give to tell her "I'm here, Ino. I've always been here. And I always looked at you. And I always wanted you. And I think I'm…"  
No, I can't tell her that, not unless I understand what it means. In this moment, Ino's mind is an inextricable knot of uncertainties, an entangled skein of neurons telling her something and then the exact contrary.  
I feel her breaking to pieces.  
It's unfair, it's too much for her.  
What are we supposed to do?

* * *

I don't know for how long had been Ino's father walking back and forth in front of us, before his daughter sprang up and rushed to the toilet, with Sakura following her.

Her parents are not going to allow her to get an interruption of pregnancy; I understood that from the way Ichiko-sama gathered her daughter's hair behind her neck, while she was throwing up. From the way Ino's father sighed, at the end of his ranting and nagging.  
Not because an abortion would go against their morals, or because they want to "punish" Ino, but because they don't want her to live under the weight of killing a creature that had been growing in her belly.

- You will still have the possibility to give him or her away, in adoption, darling…but maybe… - Ichiko-sama, with a look suddenly declined between bitterness and tenderness, caresses "her little girl's" hair slowly -…maybe an adoption won't be necessary…you'll learn to love him, you'll see…  
For a brief moment, I'm seized by the thought that the "him" in Ichiko's sentence could be me. Bullshit. Probably Ino's mum is hating me with all herself, for what I did to her daughter. It's obvious she's hinting at the baby, by saying "You'll learn to love him".

Ino looks up with her red-stained eyes, the tears almost dried on her cheeks.

"Love him…"

She repeat those words mid-voice. She looks at her mother, then at Sakura, bending over her with a wet tissue in her hand. Sakura does not answer. She stares at Ino, shrugging her shoulders, an illegible look on her face. She knows what it means to love someone.  
She's the same age as us, yet she's known love for years. It exploded inside her like a foolish crush, growing up instead of dying, burning her soul. Sakura knows what love is.

What do Ino and me know about love? How can Ichiko-sama be so certain we will be able to love this child, when we don't even know what persuaded us into what we did that afternoon?  
For the first time in the whole evening, Ino lays her eyes on me; the weight I've been feeling until now goes up a ton.

_What can I do, Ino?_

I wish I could say something, anything. I wish I could tell her that there's no need to worry, that we'll get through this.

_That I'm here, I've always been here. That I always looked at you, always wanted you._

That having a baby with her was the only fantasy I never had about her, in these sixteen years. That I'm not able to decide if I like this fantasy or not, because I'm still over-appalled, and I just hope I won't be appalled for life.  
That this is the right time to show some "real man attitude".  
Yeah…

The worst thing is, the first person who I'd ask for advice died almost two months ago.

* * *

I haven't got any sleep, tonight.  
The alarm goes off, and I'm already sitting on the bed.  
Did I just dream it all?

Definitely no.  
I realize that as soon as I enter the kitchen. My parents glance at me with same look they'd probably show me if I was about to go on a suicide mission.  
Somehow, I reach the table and sit down.  
My dad stares at me, obviously speechless, then passes me the coffee pot.

- You're going to need it, from now on. – he simply tells me, nodding, as he'd just performed the wisest action in the world.

My mum stands still on the kitchen door, as if she wanted to tell me something, but couldn't bring herself to speak.  
Who knew it took such an event to silence my mother?  
Suddenly, the doorbell rings, and she's forced to walk away to see who's at the door.

Five minutes later, she's back.

- Shikamaru, it was Kotetsu. You're needed for a mission. Move it, get changed and go to the Hokage's office.

NOTES: I decided to complicate things a bit ^^ uhuhuh  
Thank you to everyone who keeps on reading my FF so far :)


	4. Ch 4: Parting clouds

CH. 4: _**Parting clouds**_

- Are you ready, Ino?

I come down the stairs to find my mother waiting for me near the front door. I nod.

- Well…I'm gathering that you've completely changed your style, darling…

I nod again, silently, holding tight on the fabric of my empire-style dress, that hangs along my body, unemphasizing my belly. I feel strange in my old clothes. Yeah, okay, I'm only four months pregnant, but I feel as I weighed forty pounds more. I look in the mirror and I see a distorted image of myself, a reflection that doesn't look like me at all.  
I feel so wrong. Destroyed.  
My adolescence is over, much as kunoichis could reckon having the right to live as teenagers. We already have missions, training and death constantly in front of our eyes. We grow up so abruptly…I can't remember the last time I actually "had fun", and I don't remember having ever gone to a party, unless the summer festivals that take place in Konoha can be counted as "parties".

Why did I get myself in this mess? Why me?

Anyway, I'm not able to accuse myself.  
I hate Shikamaru.  
I hate him for not wearing a freakin' condom, for not stopping; for seducing me with that weird charm, a charm he had never shown before that afternoon.  
Since when I'm so attracted to Shikamaru that I "forget" the basic precautions of sexual intercourse?  
I hate him for the way he looked at me, as if it was all about us, in that moment.  
For leaving, along with Chouji and Naruto, the exact morning after he learned about the pregnancy.  
Because it's been two months since I last saw him and talked to him.  
I feel like I'm carrying this burden all alone, and I can't bear it. I'm not myself anymore…it's like two Inos lived together in me. One of them still persists in trying to live as I've lived until now; the other one, instead, tries to drag the first one, the reasonable one, down the chasm, remembering her that inside me, I'm not only Ino Yamanaka anymore. My body is not just mine anymore. There's another life with which I'm sharing it.  
A _baby._

_What have you done to me, Shikamaru?_

While I walk down the street, side by side to my mum, I feel like every person we meet _knew.  
_As if I had written on my face "I'm sixteen and I'm pregnant".  
Yeah, I know, it's a useless and absurd paranoia. Except for Shikamaru's family, my parents and Sakura, no one knows. Not yet. We managed to keep it secret for almost two months, since my parents found out about it.  
But it's a matter of weeks, before the pregnancy becomes evident; that's why we're going to inform the Hokage. My mum seems to have reached a compromise about the "pregnancy matter", but my father refuses even to merely look me in the eyes.

The mission saved Shikamaru from my father's fury, and in a certain sense I feel glad for him.  
I don't know what kind of mission it is, nor for how long he would have stayed away from Konoha. I don't even know whether he's still alive or not.  
As for me, I haven't had any especially complicated mission, in these two months; and I've never dared to ask if there were news about Shikamaru's Team. Not even to Sakura. I try to convince myself that I chose to stay in the dark because I don't want anyone to find out about my pregnancy; but I know that's not the real reason.  
I'm afraid of knowing when I'll see him again. I'm afraid I'll have to look in his eyes, I'm afraid I'll hate him even more.  
If it depended on me, I'd lock myself in my room and I'll never get out.

- Here we are.

My mum's voice deflects me from my thoughts. We're in front of the door of Tsunade's office.  
Instinctively, I lay a hand on my stomach and lower my eyes, while my mother knocks and opens the door.

- Good morning, Mrs. Yamanaka-sama. Hi, Ino. – Tsunade smiles and nods in my direction, from her position behind the desk. Sakura is standing near the desk, looking at me with the corner of her eye, a tormented look on her face.

- So, Ino…- Tsunade leans forward, grabbing a pile of sheets and passing them to Shizune, behind her – Sakura told me you wanted to talk about something.

I swallow: - Erm…yeah…  
God, now I feel nauseous again.  
I haven't thrown up in almost two weeks, but I still feel that pulsing headache and the hot lump in my throat. I'd never thought I'd have gone through this so early in my life.  
I want to be empty inside. Not only in my lower abdomen, but, also and above all, in my mind. A million of fears thicken in my head. Every time I try to dissipate those clouds, even more appear, and again and again; it makes no sense trying to think of anything else, since now my life revolves around that.  
I hate Shikamaru with all myself.  
I'd hit him until faintness if he was here.  
I want him here so desperately that my breath breaks when I simply think of his name.  
I can't make it alone.

A sudden sense of warmth on my arm brings me back to reality. I've never been an extremely thoughtful person, but lately I find myself always more often lost in my thoughts.  
With my head in the clouds.  
And I'd want it to be because of dreams, because of normal desires for a teenager, because of futile things; I'd want that the maximum of seriousness I was supposed to show was during the missions.

My mum loosens the grip on my arm.  
I breathe in deeply, and finally look in Hokage's eyes.  
- Yeah, uhm…I…- I breathe in again, searching for a decent way to drop the bomb. – I…need to be exonerated from ninja missions…for a while.

Tsunade's amber eyes dilate, between perplexity and curiosity. It's clear as hell she'll want to know more, a justification or the reason why a sixteen-year-old in excellent health would suddenly not being able to face her duties anymore.

And indeed…  
- May I ask you…why do you want an exemption? And until when?

Okay, if I give a direct answer to the second question, it'll be like I implied an answer to the first one, too.

- Five months, Hokage-sama.  
Tsunade glances at me head to toe, for some seconds, biting her lips.  
My tummy, slightly roundy; the dress, loose and sloping; my shaking hands, my look that wonders everywhere except in her face.  
Then, suddenly, she stretches backwards, leaning against the chair back and letting out a long sigh.

- Okay, Ino…who's the father?

The question takes me by surprise, and I find myself gasping, looking for a possible answer. Even Sakura turns brusquely towards the Hokage: - But…Tsunade-sensei…  
I think I have, on my face, an indefinite shade between red and purple, and my blood is flowing to my brain with enough speed to prevent me from organize my thoughts.  
I feel as I'm about to faint, while I ear my own voice spelling out, as if she was extraneous to my body:

- Shikamaru…Nara…

* * *

It's been two weeks since I asked for an exemption.  
Now I'm officially a failure, both as a woman and as a ninja. I spend my days helping my mother in the flower shop, running errands, delivering bunches of flowers, all this while hoping the apron can hide my belly the most possible.  
I know, it's unreasonable to worry about a belly that is everything but evident; but I feel like I'm growing bigger everyday.

And I'm in perennial backache. And I feel dizzy. And my feet hurt as hell. I try to take good care of my hair, since it's the only part of my body I can control.  
Besides that, I act as I'm a robot. Wake up at a certain hour, breakfast at a certain hour, to the shop at a certain hour, the deliveries at a certain hour, to bed at a certain hour.  
I try my best to keep an eye on the single days passing by, and I try my best to forget the overall time going by.

When she has nothing to do, Sakura drops by while I'm in the shop; but I know that, no matter how many soothing words she's able to find for me, neither she does know what to do to cheer me up.  
"He'll come back, you'll see" is almost her customary sentence.  
And I nod, speechless, feigning a deep interest for the hydrangeas I'm stuffing in a vase.

- Ino, listen to me. You can't go on like this.  
- Then what am I supposed to do?

I stand up and turn to her. She's fumbling with a pair of shears, looking at me with a worried expression. – I don't know, Ino. Anything but suffering like this…

- Sakura…it's not up to me…  
- What do you mean? – Sakura's green eyes become more serious. She drops the shears on the counter and starts to move towards me.  
- You know, Sakura… - I point at the counter with a gesture of my index finger - …it's on that counter that this baby was conceived. It was my first time, you know?  
Sakura shrugs: - I imagined it…but I'd never imagined you'd hang over for Shikamaru.  
- That's the point, Sakura. That day, Shikamaru…wasn't the usual Shikamaru.

Now Sakura's expression turns quizzical. I walk next to her and caress the counter's surface with my hand.

- It all happened the afternoon before we left to avenge Asuma-sensei. I don't have a clue what I was thinking about, or whether I was actually thinking about something. But I…wanted Shikamaru. I really wanted _him_.  
I glance up and I feel like I'm almost seeing him, in front of me, like that afternoon. Firm, avenging, and, at the same time, gentle. As he always was to me.

That's why I hate him, that's why I don't want this baby, that's why I want Shikamaru to come back here, and I want it so much it hurts.  
I want him to come back to me.  
I don't want to be alone. I don't want my baby to grow up fatherless.  
I don't want to be a mother without Shikamaru.

_Why does it hurt so much??_

One half of the baby inside me is Shikamaru's. I always had a part of Shikamaru with me, but it was always something indefinite, in my heart. Now that "something" has a solidity, it's shaping inside myself; and when I'll ear its heart beating, I'll know that, deep inside me, I always wanted it.  
As much as I hate Shikamaru for what he's putting me through, as much as I'd strangle him if he was here, as much as I blame him…I'm afraid to be a burden to him. And, if he was here, I'd ask him: "Choose me".  
Not your childhood friend, not your teammate, not the "nagging troublesome woman", not "the one you had sex with, in case we didn't survive against Hidan and Kakuzu".  
But the one that will never be brave enough to tell you all this, the one that will never ask you to choose her, to choose to live with her and her baby.  
I'm that one. That haughty, proud, firm, bossy, nitpicking Ino.

_Because I always looked for someone like you, Shikamaru._

- Sakura…I think I'm in…

- SAKURA! INO!  
The shop's door bursts open. It's Naruto.  
Wait a minute.  
NARUTO???

He's got a plastered arm, hanging from his neck, and a noticeable patch on his cheek. Panting, he leans against the doorframe, then he looks up to Sakura and me, both petrified. None of us dares to speak.

- Tsunade told me to come here, Ino. Chouji and me came back as soon as possible.  
Sakura takes one step ahead and asks: - Where's Shikamaru? Did he come back with you?

Naruto shakes his head and glances down.  
The tension is literally killing me. For Christ's sake, NARUTO, SPEAK!!

Finally he looks up at me, and it's like he's slapping me across the face: - Ino…we were on a mission in the Land of Wind. Shikamaru separated from us, according to the strategy…but then, things got bad. Chouji and me woke up in a Village in the outskirts of the Land of Wind, but…Shikamaru is officially declared missing.


	5. Ch 5: Tales of the Desert

CH. 5: _**Tales of the Desert**_

Darkness. Absolute obscurity.

The first sound I hear is a masculine, familiar voice. Calm, deep, intense, yet with a worried note in background.

- So you'll take care of him, ok?

I hear the closing door and then, silence again.  
I can't open my eyes, I'm not sure if I'm awake or if I'm still dipped into torpor, just like I've been until now.  
I feel that the air around me is warm, I smell a feminine fragrance next to me, and smell of blood. I hear the noise of turning pages and some voices far away from here.  
But I can't open my eyelids, or move a single muscle. I can't even turn my head to the side.

The darkness in front of me unravels into a white light, and it's like I'm reliving the last memory I have before now.

_A __bonfire in the middle of the forest, somewhere between the Land of Fire and the Land of Wind.  
__My eyes staring at the flames, then I decide to confess:_

_- Ino's pregnant._

_Both Chouji and Naruto suddenly look up, eyes wide open. I know they'd want to ask me a thousand questions, but they don't even know where to start. Total silence for several minutes.  
__Chouji, holding a chip halfway to his mouth, decides to ask the most obvious question of all:  
__- How do you know it?  
__- Because she told me before we left._

_Naruto raises his eyebrow: - And why would she say that to you?  
__I sigh. I throw a pebble inside the fire.  
__- Because the baby is mine._

_The chip and its bag fall from Chouji's hands. Naruto's jaw drops to the ground.  
__- But…but…so…you…and Ino…? – Chouji's hands shake in the air in front of him, trying to give meaning to what he just heard.  
__- Yes.  
__- But…but when??  
__- Mmh…about three months ago. Before we avenged Asuma-sensei._

_Chouji is practically hyperventilating. Naruto shifts his look from me to Chouji, still dumbfounded: - But Shikamaru, this means…you did __it__? And how was it?  
__Chouji turns to him, irritated: - Naruto, that's not the point!  
__- Chouji, don't worry… - a chuckle comes to my lips, in spite of everything. Naruto is built like that, I expected it.  
__I try to focus my thoughts and my memories in my hands, leant on the grass. I can still feel Ino's skin on my palms; warm, smooth, soft. My fingers, sunk in her back, the harmonic curve of her breasts, the liquid and torrid sensation of making her mine. Of having her just for myself, the certainty of being able to give her all myself, even if it was just for one time. The painful way I mentally begged that she wasn't going to stop me; that she didn't realise with who she was doing it and changed her mind. The dread that she was going to interrupt everything because I am me, and I'm no-one special for her. __That she could go on and blame it on casualty, on the despair for Asuma's death, or that she could justify everything with any credible and logic reason._

_- It was…weird. It's not comparable to anything else._

_Chouji's expression turns serious. He knows what I'm thinking about. Damn, he knows me far too well: - What are you going to do?  
__I shrug my shoulders, not daring to raise my look from the fire: - I don't know. It's up to Ino._

_And, for the first time ever, I realise I'm hoping for the most wrong thing to happen.  
__I wish for Ino to keep the baby._

Darkness is back.  
I don't hear voices or noises anymore, even the fragrance is gone.

* * *

I don't know where I am, but I'm able to keep score of the days passing by, basing on the heat and the noises around me.  
A whole week has gone by since I heard that masculine voice; and today, finally, I manage to raise an eyelid. I even manage to lift a hand to my face, only to find the other eye is bandaged. I glance down, and for what I can see, most of my body is covered in bandages or patches.  
An excruciating pain crosses my chest and legs, but I can't move at all.

- Oh, you're awake.

I know this tone of voice.  
With an infinitesimally slow movement, I turn my head to the right.

Ah, I imagined it.  
She's sitting next to my bed, legs crossed, a book in the balance on her knee. Green eyes scanning me with curiosity, lips frowned in an indefinite expression. Temari.  
The rays of light, coming from the window, are ten times more burning than the ones in Konoha.  
Is this Suna?

Temari puts her book on the nightstand and bends over to me: - How do you feel?  
- Better than I felt before.  
- Uhm…you don't look on top form. But, actually, two weeks ago you looked worse.  
- I've been here for two weeks?

She nods and leans back on the chair-back: - Since when Kankuro found you.  
I turn again to the ceiling: - I thought I was dead.  
On the sly, I see her knit her brows: - I can't imagine you dying. You always get away with it, somehow.

I'd like to smile, but I can't.  
I turn again to her: - Did you inform Konoha…that I'm alive?

After taking the book in her hands again, Temari looks up at me and shrugs: - We didn't know you were alive. You were in a coma when we found you; you could breathe and your organs were functioning, but you weren't able to react. I'll request to inform your Village when you'll be able to sit up, if that's ok for you.  
She resumes her reading, and silence follows, interrupted only by the voices and wind outside the window.

I need to organize the events.  
I was in a coma? Since when I'm away from Konoha? What became of Chouji and Naruto? And the mission?

- But what…my mission?  
Not looking up from her book, she mutters: - We dealt with it. You thought you were going to make it alone?  
- I wasn't alone. Naruto and Chouji were with me.  
Temari stares at me, astonished: - Kankuro found only you. I'll ask Gaara if he received any information from your Hokage.

I hope they're in Konoha, and that that's the reason why Temari and her siblings haven't found them. Or maybe they are in any another Village, but safe and sound. Those are the times in which I wonder whether I'm really cut out to be a leader, as everyone says. I hope that Chouji and Naruto are better off than me; I'm quite worn out, apparently.  
And I'm not feeling any better if I think that, by now, if Ino has decided to keep the baby, she should be about four months pregnant. Whatever this is supposed to mean, I'm unfamiliar with maternity and pregnancy.  
Most likely, as I don't have a genius for leading missions, I'm not going to be any good as a father, either.  
Chouji and Naruto weren't that helpful. After my revelation in front of the bonfire, a sort of _conversation _followed, with Chouji throwing his hands up in despair, thinking his teammates are a couple of idiots that can't even put on a condom; Naruto, on the other hand, restricted himself to _useful _and _discreet _questions like "Is it like in Ero-sennin's books?" or "How many positions did you try?" or even "How long did you last?".

For the time being, I'm just considering the hypothesis that Ino kept the baby; if that's the case, what duties am I supposed to carry out?  
Do I have to…marry her?  
I seriously doubt Ino would marry someone like me. I don't even know if she's ever considered the idea of marriage in general; also because we never talked about marriages at all. We're only sixteen, God!

But then, do I really want to marry her? Is it possible to get married at sixteen?  
Is Inoichi going to mow me down, when I'll get back to Konoha?  
Who the hell can answer all these questions?  
Naruto and Chouji have subjective opinions, too subjective, and however Naruto doesn't know Ino that much. They're both too bound to me to advise me or give me a cool-headed view.  
And I need objectivity. That's why I'd want Asuma to be here; in the living world, at least. Ok, the "pregnancy situation" was different, in his case, but his advice would have been the best thing I could have asked for.

- Temari?  
- Mmh? – she mumbles, continuing her reading.  
- I have to ask you something.

She looks at me, an amused expression: - I thought someone like you never needs to ask any question.  
I show her a bitter smile: - Not this time. It's something…too big for me.  
I see her eyes shimmering with vivid interest. She closes her book, addressing her complete attention to me, and inviting me to continue.  
It feels weird, being about to talk about these things with Temari; we have a strange bond, not even remotely similar to the one me and Asuma had; and completely different from my bond with Ino. We respect each other, besides we've worked together.  
I might say she's annoying or bothersome or anything, but that's not true. Not anymore. Back when her Village invaded Konoha, I had a feeling she was going against her will. Her nature, much as it was marked by a devastated family, that made her slightly overbearing and snooty, has always been devoted to peace. Time changed her, the alliance with Konoha changed her, her brother's election to Kazekage and his rescue changed her.  
She still has that defiant attitude and that witty intelligence, and she still knows how to stand her ground. And yes, sometimes she still calls me "cry-baby". But we act as we're on the same level; we're not friends or anything, but this is the kind of bond I need to decipher this mess I'm into.

- What is love?  
- W…what the hell…??  
- Yeah, I know it sounds odd to ask that…and to you, of all…I don't want to know what love is per se, but how do you understand that you're feeling it.  
A faint, pinkish stain spreads on her cheeks: - But I've never been in love, Shikamaru. Why do you ask me?  
- I thought you women came to life knowing already what love is.

She winces, not convinced: - Just explain the problem. What happened?  
Just as I thought. She needs to focus on a concrete situation to give a solution; just like me.  
- Remember when you met my teammate, Ino?  
- Uhm…that blonde, model-like girl?  
- Erm…yes. Well…she's pregnant. And I'm the father.

Thump.  
The book falls on the floor.  
Temari's expression is suddenly very similar to the one showed by Naruto and Chouji when they heard the news. She stays still for a while, unable to utter a single word.

- But you…you…her…well…you two… - she springs up, shaking her index finger in my direction. She's totally shocked. – …aren't you two…like…three years younger than me?  
I nod.  
- How the fuck did this happen?  
- It was an accident. We didn't think what we were doing.

She collapses on the chair again, her hands on her cheeks. She's trying to see the revelation in a rational way, if that's possible.  
- Ok…not that this is any of my business…but isn't it supposed to work the other way round? Aren't you supposed to fall in love with someone _before _getting her pregnant?  
- We didn't do it on purpose. It just happened.

She nods; she places her chin on her hands, with a thoughtful expression, and for a while we remain like this, silent.  
Suna's sultry wind blows against the curtains, and creates whirls of sand on the road under my window. Today, there's no clouds in the sky. The sky is clear, pale blue; the exact contrary of my soul.  
I wonder if Ino still resembles the sky, as I've always thought of her; serene and shining when everything was going right, violent and stormy the rest of the time.  
But it was always worth waiting for the end of the storm.

- You know, Shikamaru… - Temari's voice takes me back to reality. She appears still intent, looking out of the window, just like me. - …my mum told me something, when I was little. It's been years since she died, but I vaguely remember her words. She shared your views: women are born knowing already what love is and what they'll feel when they will fall in love. I was three, and asked for a rational explanation. – she turns to me, a slight smile on her lips.  
- What was her answer?  
- My chakra nature is Wind, so she decided to put the explanation on a material level. Simple things that I already knew and saw everyday. Wind and sand. They seem akin elements, but different at the same time; and when they meet… - she pauses, then claps her hands - …boom! A storm begins. And, from that moment on, the only thing you can do is wait and see how is it going to end. It could end up in tragedy and kill you, or it could unveil something that was buried until then.

_Then, maybe what I feel for Ino…what I've always felt for her…_

I nod silently, then snort: - Then, there's no way out of it? How troublesome…  
Temari giggles, slapping me on my forehead.  
- Hey, that hurts!  
- Ooooh, I'm sorry, cry-baby – she rolls her eyes, leaning back against the chair-back. – You'll be a good father, Shikamaru. And anyway, the reflection is up to you…but if you want my honest opinion, you're clearly in love with that girl. Like crazy.

_Oh yes, I am. I__'m in love with my stormy, pale blue, irrational, unpredictable sky.  
__I'm in love with Ino._

NOTE: sooooo, there was actually another chapter ^^ and there'll be others to come!  
btw, I adore Temari to bits, and I wanted her to have a role in Shikamaru's realization of love. How long will it take for Shikamaru to return to Konoha? Will Ino be there, waiting for him with open arms (and a big baby belly?)  
Stay tuned :D


	6. Ch 6: Heartbeat

CH. 6: _**Heartbeat**_

- Alright, Ino. Now lay down on the couch and unbutton your dress from your breast downwards.

I nod slowly, then I climb up the couch and, reluctantly, I do what Sakura said.  
While unbuttoning my dress, I brush against my belly and notice it's gotten even bigger than last time; I should be past the fifth month of pregnancy, and now it's not just my impression that my belly is well-visible. But I don't care anymore. Everybody know, anyway, I can see that from the way they stare at me in the street.

I'm not doing any of the things that should be normal for an expecting woman; I don't spend hours examining my tummy's profile in the mirror, I don't constantly touch my belly, trying to understand which position is the embryo in. I don't even know what form could my baby have at the moment.  
But my mum insisted for me to have this check, so here I am. I'm having an ultrasound scan; well, I'm not doing a single thing, just laying here, transfixed, scanning Sakura's face in search for a sign on what's the meaning of this all.

Noticing my stare, Sakura smiles at me, pointing at a screen next to the couch: - I'm almost done. Now I'll let you see it.  
- See…it?

Sakura doesn't answer; she smiles again, gets closer to me and lays both her hands below my navel; then she puts on a focused look and lets a misty glimmer diffuse from her hands. Chakra.  
I don't feel anything particular, until Sakura points again at the screen with a nod, and, following her glance, I find myself face to face with something I never felt before.

It's like I transferred to another dimension, in a different reality, different from the one I usually live in.  
The picture on the monitor is nothing more than a confused blue-blackish stain on a pale background, but I find myself stretching an hand towards it.  
A faint, lilting sound fills up my ears, my head spins around, and I don't know if what's resounding in my mind is my heart or my baby's heartbeat. I really don't know. I don't know anything at all.

_Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum._

I distinctly feel a warm tear sliding down my cheek, down to my half-open mouth, breathing slowly, as if it didn't want to drown out that sound.

_Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum._

Regular, cushioned, the sweetest sound I've ever felt.  
For the first time, I'm happy I didn't choose to abort. That indistinct shape on the monitor is my baby. _My _baby. Not an unwanted embryo anymore, not the fruit of an afternoon of unprotected and senseless sex. It's here, in front of my eyes. I almost hear it breathing, inside my abdomen, up to my heart, up to my tears-bathed cheeks, tears I don't want to dry or stop.

I'd stay here forever, staring at this screen, but Sakura takes me back to reality:  
- Do you want me to tell you the baby's sex?  
- You're already able to tell?  
- You've just reached the 15th week, it's not hard. Do you want to know it?

Not that it matters that much, but I nod, drying my eyes with my dress' sleeve. Sakura gets nearer to the screen, examining that picture that sometimes moves slightly, then, all of a sudden, she points an indeterminate point on the screen.

- It's female, Ino.

_My baby girl…_

I'm going to love this baby girl; or rather, I feel like I already love her, though I can't be sure. How could I be sure, if I've never experienced this before? Is it possible to love someone you still haven't met? Someone that is still shaping, thought it's shaping inside me?  
I feel like I'm about to burst again into tears, remembering that I considered the idea of hurting this creature. That I considered the idea of _killing her_. I feel sick, thinking how desperate I was; though anyone would have valuated the option of abortion, in my condition of three months ago.  
Now that option seems just so unreasonable. Now I want to give my life to love this baby; all that I want, all that I own, all that I miss.

_Shikamaru._

- Ino…you really miss him, don't you?

With a startle, I realise I've pronounced Shikamaru's name out loud, and I turn to Sakura, who's filling up my medical record.  
I know Shikamaru is alive, and he's in Suna at the moment. The Kazekage informed us about that, about three weeks ago. I know he's been in a coma, but he's awake now, though he's severely hurt.

- Sakura, I don't…Shikamaru and me…  
- I know what you wanted to tell me that day, in the shop. Ino…knowing you so well, I'd never thought you really felt…that for Shikamaru. If you'd tell me back in the Academy years, I'd have laughed hard and thought you were joking.

Sakura bends over me and takes my hand, forcing me to look in her eyes.  
Her green eyes show a serious, firm expression: - He'll come back, Ino. He just needs to be back on his feet.

I force myself to smile, but deep inside me I feel like burning, dying. I'm afraid of the day Shikamaru will come back. I'm scared of the way he will look at me, of the thoughts that will run through his mind and that I won't be able to see, of the way he'll talk to me. He left while I was almost two months pregnant, when he'll be back I might look like a sort of blonde whale; I might be screwed up by hormones, touchy and nervy. Ten times more hysterical than the Ino he knew. And I'll look at him, unable to confess what I feel for him. And even more unable to ask him to stay by my side and love me. And to love my baby.

I slide down the couch and grab the record than Sakura laid on my knees.  
- I'm going to see Chouji. Bye, Sakura.  
- See you, Ino.

Just as I enter the hospital's hallway, I see Chouji coming towards me. Looks like he's feeling better; just two-three days ago, he could barely get out of bed, and anyway he was always sleeping when I came to visit him. So, basically, this is the first time we meet, after his mission.

He stops at three feet from me, intently staring at me head-to-toe.

- Chouji…you know it, right?  
- Yeah, Shikamaru told us – he answers, keeping his eyes on my tummy, and standing far from me.  
A chuckle escapes from my mouth: - Chouji, it's ok. I'm not made of glass! It's a matter of weeks before I turn…chubbier than you. Come here. – I open up my arms and nod at him in assent, smiling.

Chouji doesn't let me finish the sentence. He takes me in his arms, squeezing me so tight that he lifts me from the ground.  
- I'm happy to see you again, Ino.  
- Me too, Chouji. You scared me, you three. Leaving like this, with no warning…

He finally lets me go. Still half-dazed, I don't dare to ask him about Shikamaru, but I think Chouji has understood my doubts.

- Ino, Shikamaru is a good boy…he won't jilt you, let alone in your situation.  
- I know. But…  
- What, Ino?

I can't ask him that. Chouji might be Shikamaru's best friend, but guys don't chat about this kind of topics. And however, Chouji and me never talked about love, and he doesn't know what I feel for Shikamaru. I don't know either, not precisely. It's just an assumption.

- Nothing, Chouji. Why don't you tell me about the mission? How was it?

* * *

I get out of my house and close the door behind me. The sky in Konoha never seemed so beautiful and worrying at the same time.  
I came back yesterday night, causing tears of joy that I thought I'd never seen in my mother's eyes, and an approving pat on my shoulder from my dad; he _slightly _hurt me, since I'm still half bandaged. The medics in Suna were not very keen on letting me back home so early, but I think Temari and her siblings understood my reasons.

My parents told me about Chouji and Naruto, the most comforting piece of news they could ever give me. Thank God. I'm heading to the hospital right now.

I'm so lost in my thoughts that it takes me a while before realising I've just passed the Yamanaka flower shop. I retrace my footsteps and, breathing in deeply, I put out my cigarette under my shoe, and get closer to the door.

Time has come to be a real man, now more than ever. Whether Ino has kept the baby or not, I can't allow myself to escape; there's no mission, there's no excuse, there's no convalescence. We're not kids anymore, we're not team-mates anymore.

Maybe the shop is still closed, because I find myself in semidarkness, as soon as I enter. Blinking repeatedly with my non-bandaged eye, I manage to distinguish the outlines of vases, watering cans and shelves.  
Then, suddenly, the back-looking door opens up, and...God, it's like every single sharp edge in my personality is levelling and melting down.

It's her, it's my Ino. Shiny hair loosen down her back, orange apron softly emphasizing the abundant curve of her belly; a catalogue of weed-killers held against her chest and a bag full of chocolate biscuits in her hand.  
Nibbling at a biscuit, she stretches her hand behind the door and switches the light on; just then she takes notice of my presence, and jumps back in surprise.

- Shi…ka…Shikamaru…- her voice, initially uncertain and low, suddenly raises to a higher pitch: - Shikamaru!!!

In a nanosecond range, Ino drops the bag and catalogue on the counter, crosses the little distance that separates her from me, and plants herself in front of me, her hands on her hips.  
Long, silent minutes.

SBAM!  
Her fist hits my cheek in full-force, knocking my back against the wall behind me. As soon as I regain control of my body, she gets closer and grabs my shirt's hem, pouring a torrent of long-repressed angst on me.

- You freakin' idiot! What on earth were you thinking?? Aren't you fucking able to complete a mission without getting hurt?? And why the hell am I the last to know?? Who the fuck you think you are, to treat me like this???

I can't bring myself to open my mouth, and even if I could, I have no idea how to reply. I know my departure wasn't something I decided, but I also know I hurt her.  
I don't know if she's in the middle of a hormonal storm, or if this is the old Ino, the same Ino I knew; the same Ino I met many years ago, only more curvy and…beautiful. That's it.  
More than her fury, more than the violence of her words, more than the aggressiveness of her fist, the thing that leaves me speechless is this: I'm facing the most perfect creature I ever met.

We're nothing like we were before. She isn't that unreachable, rough diva who seemed to care only for the esthetical aspect of things, but adorable in her heart of hearts.  
The woman in front of me, this woman who's now leaning with her head against my chest, still holding tight on my shirt…this woman isn't that twelve-year-old Ino I glanced at in class, that Ino who sat next to me, mesmerized by Sasuke's presence. This woman, who's sobbing and soaking my mesh's fabric with her tears, is not that far-away, adolescent desire I had _that _kind of fantasies about.

This is the Ino I want with me, as long as I'm able to breathe, as long as I'll deserve to stay by her side, as long as she'll want me to be there.  
I feel a sudden movement against my stomach, and I let my hand slide away from Ino's face, down to her warm abdomen.

I'm even more speechless: - Ino…he…she just…  
- She…it's a girl…- Ino keeps her eyes glued to mine, and for the first time I see her moist eyes sparkle with a completely new light, and her cheeks tinged with a rosy colour.  
Her hand reaches mine, touching my fingertips.  
My certainties increase more and more; my mind is light, emptied from any possible worry, engaged in this one and only thought: this perfect present.

- Ino, I have to tell you something…while I was away, I had time to think about this. I know it's normal, that I'm used to spend my days _thinking_…but this time I came to a conclusion, and…I have to tell this to you, Ino.

I stare at her, expecting that she'll stop me, or at least show a bothered expression.  
But no, she's still looking at me, motionless. Waiting.

- Ino, I realised that I…

- Oh, look who's there!

Oh God, I recognise this voice.  
Ino springs back, separating from me, and turning to the stockroom's door.

Inoichi. Showing the most terrifying expression I ever saw on his face.  
In spite of myself, I find myself taking two steps back, as soon as I see him approach us:  
- Shikamaru, now that you're back, I'm going to keep an eye on you.  
- Erm…ok…

Then, arousing an immense surprise in me and Ino, Inoichi's lips bend up in what I assume is a smile, followed by a speech that surprises us even more:  
- You and Ino are going to live together, until the baby is born.

Ino opens her eyes wide, as bewildered as me: - What?? But daddy…we don't…  
Inoichi's look suddenly moves over to his daughter, softening automatically: - Ino, darling, I know it sounds weird, but I just saw these… - he rummages in his pockets and pulls out a bunch of confused printouts.  
- My…ultrasound scan's photos…?

My eyes shift from Ino to her dad, and backwards: - Ultra…sound scan?

Inoichi turns again to me, and his smile is now radiant, and honestly I don't if I should feel reassured or worried.

- Shikamaru…Ino…within about three months a little baby girl will enter this house. A new princess. And until then, you're going to live together. Like it or not, this is the best alternative.

NOTES: tehehehehe, Inoichi to the rescue xDD and _finally _maternal/paternal instincts start kicking in 3  
I wanted to do something different, so as you can see I divided the chapter in two parts, one is on Ino's POV and one in Shika's POV :D


	7. Ch 7: Our

CH. 7: _**Our**_

"_Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body." _[Elizabeth Stone]

I wake up in the middle of the night, with a throbbing headache. It happens often.  
By now, it's almost impossible for me to get out of my bed with a fluid motion, and I must avoid lying on my stomach while I sleep. I always have to lie on my back, and I'm constantly sleepy, though I wake up a hundred times every night.

Somehow, I manage to move my legs and put my body in a sitting position, leaning with my hands on the mattress to prevent my spinning head from making me fall flat on the floor.  
Even more slowly, I stand up and head to the door.  
And it's at that moment that my feet trip over something, overbalancing me.

I'm getting ready for a close encounter with the floor, when suddenly that "something" moves, grabbing my chest and covering my mouth with his hand, to prevent me from screaming in surprise.

- Shh, Ino…  
- What…the hell…

Oh, right.  
I forgot he's here.

My left hand gropes around along the wall, until it founds the bedside lamp's switch. In my state of total dazedness, I remember that Shikamaru sleeps near me, on a futon next to my bed; while my eyes get used to the light, I manage to distinguish his expression, sleepy and serious, his hairstyle, semi-undone and ruffled, the heat emanated by his body, in contact with my back.

I'm surprised at how easily he grabbed and held me, since I weigh at least forty pounds more than him, and since he still has most of his body covered in bandages. His left hand slides away from my mouth, while we fall back, sitting on my bed.

But he's still staring at me, glancing at my eyes; our faces are dangerously close, so close I can feel his breath on my cheeks.

- Shikamaru…  
- Yes?  
- Would you mind…? – I hint, gesturing at his arm, still wrapped around my chest and _his hand placidly leaning on my breast_.

I see him jerkily shifting away from me, waving his hands as if he was saying "I didn't do it on purpose, sorry" or "I'm not a perv, I swear".  
He makes me smile. Though I'd never admit it, I'm glad he's here; it was my father's idea to force him, and probably Shikamaru found it too "troublesome" to object.

So here we are.  
A pregnant sixteen-year-old and the lazy father of her baby, living under the same roof. Sleeping next to each other, every night.

No touching, no speaking about the future, nor about that afternoon that started it all.  
We talk about his mission in the Land of Wind, about the time he spent in Suna, about how I got along here. We talk about Chouji and Naruto, who have been discharged from the hospital, recently.

We talk about Asuma, about the void he left. About his baby, who was born ten days after Shikamaru came back to Konoha. He bears his father's name, his same eyes, and he's amazingly cute.  
I cried, when Kurenai put him in my arms, while Chouji was holding my hand tightly. Shikamaru stood motionless, trying to hold back his tears, while Kurenai hugged him. We will be this baby's uncles and aunt; I don't know how I should feel, a mixture of bitterness and pleasure.

I lean with my back against the bed's headboard, my legs stretched out on Shikamaru's laps. I thought maternity always brought joy, but obviously I was wrong.  
I shiver, when I think that, while Shikamaru was on his mission, I could end up like Kurenai.  
I shake my head imperceptibly. Asuma and Kurenai's situation was different.  
They were in love. They always will be, I think, fiddling with my hands on my nightdress.

I took up the habit of biting my nails, but I don't care.  
Shikamaru doesn't even notice it, just like he doesn't notice my look, radically different from how it was last year. Maybe I'm not myself anymore, in his eyes. Maybe he feels indifferent to me, he stays by my side because he's forced to do so, or maybe he would find it morally incorrect to leave me alone.

- Shikamaru…do I look fat?  
He looks up at me, knitting his eyebrows. I realise only now that he has started stroking my calves, delicately.  
- Ino…you've never been fat.  
- I am fat now. And a lot.  
- You're not fat, you're pregnant. – he underlines quietly, not changing his expression, and keeping on tracing abstract drawings on my knee, with his fingers.  
- I was before the pregnancy, too. – I sigh, trying to remember a time in which, to define me, the word "pregnant" wasn't following the word "sixteen-year-old". – I should go on a diet like I did five years ago.  
He bursts in a subdued laughter, since my parents are sleeping in the nearest room. – Ino, you can't go on a diet now.  
- I didn't mean _now._ After giving birth, yes.  
Again, a laughter: - Want to know something, Ino Yamanaka?

He leans with his forearm on my thigh, staring directly in my eyes. I feel his tensing muscles through the lints; a sort of electric shock crosses my body, starting from each part of us that's touching.  
I know I'm blushing. I know it, dammit.

- I've been knowing you for fifteen years, I know what you obsess about and what you don't realise. You were never "slim enough", so you were neither "beautiful enough". I know my logic isn't unfailing, but you were always wrong when you thought these things about yourself. If you could see yourself the way I see you…you'd change your mind.  
- What do you mean?  
He sighs: - You're truly troublesome…you know…

And for a single instant, it really seems he's going to give me an answer, and I manage to deceive myself into thinking he's going to say those three words I dream of.  
But instead he plays with my hair, then I let him lean with his head on my belly, until I hear him breathing slowly. And I know he just fell asleep.

Then my hand, that was previously lying by my side, slides cautiously towards him, until it touches Shikamaru's forehead.  
My lips on his forehead.  
I suddenly break away from that contact, before the tear that's sliding down my cheek falls on his skin, before he notices it.

And I manage to say it. I mutter it out, while I stare at the ceiling to stop the tears from falling.  
- I love you.

_I love you. I love you so much it hurts.  
__I love you, Shikamaru._

He shifts slightly in his sleep, brushing against my tummy with his head.  
"Whatever…" I think, half-closing my eyes and begging this night to last forever.  
And finally, I manage to drift asleep too.

* * *

When I wake up, the morning after, I'm surprised that I'm lying so close to Ino. Her leg is stretched crossways on my hip, and my arms are wrapped around her back. Her nightdress slipped up during the night, exposing her belly.

This isn't the first time that Ino and me are sleeping together, since when we've know each other, but it's the first time that I can feel her breasts raising and lowering, at regular intervals, against my chest; it's the first time that her hair, scattered on the pillow, is tickling my cheek.

It's something I've never felt before, for no-one, not even for Ino herself; not even the time we had sex, not even the day I came back and saw her again in the flower shop.  
It's something new, strange, something I don't know if it's correct to feel at sixteen, or whether it is correct to feel it for your childhood friend and team-mate.

Before I can realize it, my fingers are already tracing up her belly's naked and smooth skin, an harmonic and tense curve, as pale as milk is.

I think I understand why I didn't reject my mission in the Land of Wind, after I found out about Ino's pregnancy. By accepting to leave, I wasn't running away from Ino, from her pregnancy, from my responsibilities. I left because I wasn't willing to allow any kind of threat to get close to Konoha, or close to my Ino.  
Her face is so calm, her lips have such a peaceful expression, more beautiful than any smile I've ever seen on her mouth.

While my lips get closer and closer to hers, with a balmy sensation in my stomach's pit, I understand what Asuma was living for. For _who_.

This isn't logic, you don't need a genius' IQ, you don't need experience, you don't need training.  
It's here, in front of me, and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen; something I'd never thought I could hold so tight and so close; something I'd never thought I'd be longing for so much, to want so desperately and irrationally for it to be mine.  
It's a reason of life.

I manage to only graze her lips with mine, until Ino moves in her sleep, making me rapidly withdraw from her mouth. Just before she opens her eyes, repeatedly blinking because of the sun hitting on her face.  
Without saying a word, she looks in my eyes for some instants, and I don't know if I should feel embarrassed or what else. Then she breaks the silence, getting out of the bed and heading to the door.

- Where are you going?  
- In the toilet.  
- Do I have to come along?

She turns to me, her eyes popping out of her head: - What??  
- No, never mind. Just let me know if you need something, ok?

What the fuck am I saying?? Am I going out of my mind?? Words slip out of my mouth as if my brain wasn't controlling them, as if inside me there was another Shikamaru, hyper-protective and anxious for Ino's safety.

I'm still here, brooding over my change in attitude, when I hear a sort of squealing coming from the bathroom.

- INO??! What happened?? Are you alright?

Ino looks at me as if she was looking at a nutcase, then she closes the medicine cabinet and sticks a patch on her elbow.  
- I scratched my elbow against a splinter. Are you sure YOU are alright??

"Honestly, no", I think, heading for the kitchen to have breakfast. Inoichi is away on a mission on behalf of his Squad, while Ichiko is already off to the flower shop, apparently.  
Better to abound on the amount of coffee, today.

A few moments later, Ino arrives in the kitchen and extracts two bags of chips from the cupboard; she tears one open and sits on the table, peering at me while I pour myself the second cup of coffee in twenty minutes.

- Are you working today, Shikamaru?  
I shrug: - Tsunade-sama hasn't let me know anything, so I think I'll just stay here, if you don't mind. You're going to the shop?

She nods. She has already emptied the first bag of chips, and she leans over to open up the second one.  
- You shouldn't walk around barefoot – I point out, while she rocks her legs, surprisingly slim.  
I knew she was going to let herself grow "roundy" but not "fat"; if you saw her from behind, you'd never guess she is almost seven months pregnant.

Ino grimaces, jumping down the table and retrieving her work apron from the fitted cupboard.  
- See you later.  
- When are you coming back? Do you want me to walk you to the shop? Do you want me to stay there with you?

Once again, the "are you crazy?" look. – Who are you? What did you do to the real Shikamaru?  
Before I can bite my tongue, I blurt out: - I'm just worried for our baby.

Ino's blue eyes open up even wider, and so does her mouth.  
We've been living together for more than a month, and until now Ino was pregnant with "the" baby. There had never been an "our", let alone an "us".

- Shikamaru…  
I watch her letting go of the door handle, and approaching me with a doubtful expression. Maybe even scared.  
I hate to admit that, but I'm scared too.  
But right now, I'm a sacrificial piece on a shogi table, just like Asuma. I don't want any remorse, I don't want to go back in time, not even if that would mean getting my teenage years back. I don't care about the past, as long as, in front of my eyes, I have that something I've always wanted and looked for.

Before that Ino, standing still in front of me and staring at the ground, could say anything, my hands grab her wrists, forcing her to look in my eyes.

- Shikamaru…  
- Ino, listen up. I don't care if, during these sixteen years, you were always looking somewhere else away from me. I don't care if I'm nothing for you, if we're just friends. I don't care that it was necessary for an unwanted pregnancy to happen, before I managed to say what I'm actually about to say. Think what you what about me, do what you want, but now listen to me, because I won't repeat it twice.  
Ino's cerulean irises are motionless, reflecting into mine. Waiting for me to continue, speechless.  
- Ino, I love you. I've been loving you for sixteen years, and I never stopped.

I let go of her wrists, but now it's her who's grabbing my arm. Her expression isn't timorous anymore, her eyes aren't bearing any trace of doubts: - Don't ever dare to say "I'm nothing for you" again. Not even if you're joking.

And suddenly, her lips rest against mine; caught by surprise, I find myself leaning with a hand on the table, while the other hand is lost in Ino's hair.  
After a while, Ino separates from my mouth enough to whisper: - Shikamaru, I'm scared to death, and I'd never thought I would have asked you this, but…stay with me, please.

I hold her face in my hands, staring at her watery eyes, and I nod, kissing her forehead.

- I'm here for you, Ino.

NOTES: awww, the sugar!!! And sweet/caring/irrational Shikamaru is just…*___* gotta love him!!


	8. Ch 8: Ink and ocean

CH. 8: _**Ink and ocean**_

Eighth month.

I live in a sort of limbo, between euphoria and uncertainty. In my shoes, another woman would be more than happy; after all, I'm going to have a little baby in a month, and I managed to confess my love to that baby's father. And my feelings are reciprocated, and he promised he's going to stay by side.

But there's something about all this that I don't feel comfortable about; maybe it's connected to the way people look at us when we walk down the street together. We walk side by side, as if we were strangers to each other; okay, Shikamaru opens shops doors for me, and he lets me in before him. He never smokes when I'm around.  
But he hardly touches me, when we're in public. Especially in front of our parents.

Did I just imagine that morning in which he said "I love you"?  
Since that day, we've kissed three, at most four times. And, almost always, that happened because he wanted to reassure me, while I cried in the middle of a hormonal storm.

So, I reckon that I'm a bit surprised when, in an ordinary day in the beginning of June, I find him waiting for me in front of the flower shop, as I'm preparing to close it.

- Hi. – he says, simply  
- Hi…what are you doing here?

Shikamaru shrugs, a worryingly serious expression on his face: - We have to talk, Ino.

Oh God.  
I knew that. He wants to tell me that he's going to withdraw from his promise, that he's too young for this responsibility; that he's sixteen and he wants to live his adolescence at its best.  
I'm fucked up. Fucked up and alone, basically.

"I should have expected this", I think, hiding my hands in my pockets, trying not to show how shaky they are. I can clearly feel my stomach contracting and I swallow to block the increasing sense of nausea.

- O…okay, Shikamaru…  
- Come with me – he mutters, starting to walk away.

There, he needs to find a place where he can jilt me without anyone staring at us and pointing at him. He doesn't want the villagers to label him as "the asshole who dumped his sixteen-year-old not-yet-girlfriend, who's eight months and two weeks pregnant with his heir".

I follow him silently, walking two steps behind him, and staring at the ground.  
When I finally look up, I realize that we're passing through Konoha's gates.

- Shi…  
- Don't speak, Ino. Just follow me.

It's not long before I notice that we're heading to the Nara forest.  
Why?

I want to ask him, but I'm scared of the thoughts that are running through his mind. I'm afraid to end up brokenhearted, to suffer.  
I'm afraid that he's really going to leave me alone.  
I know he's a good guy…but this, this pregnancy…is really too much for him. Just this thought can destroy me, but I know this eventuality exists. I shouldn't have expected anything from him, I should have known from the very start.

He stops and turns to me, and my heart skips various beats.

_Don't leave me alone._

Before I can stop myself, I'm already pouring uncontrollable tears, squeezing my arms around my belly, trying to repress, at the same time, my heart going crazy and the immense pain in my abdomen.

- Shika…Shi…Shikamaru…please…

Shikamaru's expression softens up; he's not cold or serious anymore, as he was until now. He gets closer to me, his hands stroke my hair, my shoulders. They slide down my arms, gently lying on my wrists.

- Don't cry, Ino.

His tone comes as a complete surprise. It's reassuring, firm and calm at the same time. Raising my eyes, beyond my tears' fog, I see him smiling.  
_He's smiling??_

His right hand separates my left hand from its position – tightened around my tummy – while his expression gets serious again.  
And I see him kneeling down in front of me, while a blue, metallic band slides along my ring-finger, fitting perfectly on it.

_Oh.  
__My.  
__God._

- I know it's not going to be as it is in the movies. You know…we're underage. But I can ask you this.  
- Shikamaru… - my mind is completely disconnected from my body, from the present, from this place.  
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.  
- Ino Yamanaka, I'm asking this to you now, and I'm going to ask you the same thing in two years. Then it will be official, but even now I believe in this with all myself. Will you marry me, Ino?

Okay, Ino. This is happening for real.  
Yes or no. Plain and simple.  
My destiny, my happiness, my baby girl's future…everything comes down to this choice.  
And I know what to answer. Even if I haven't loved him all the time, I've always known what my answer was going to be.

- Shikamaru…

I'm about to answer, when I notice the damp feeling on my inner thighs, and an atrocious pain stabs my abdomen.  
Trying not to bend down in pain, I stare down at Shikamaru and share the most scary piece of news of my whole life:

- …my waters just broke.

* * *

I have no idea how we were able to run so quickly back to Konoha.  
I remember walking inside the Hospital's hall, holding Ino up as much as I could; her arm, leaning on my shoulders, had rapidly proceeded to squeeze up my neck, stricken with panic and fury.

Two weeks too early.  
When Sakura saw us stumbling across the hall, she was struck dumb, but it wasn't too long before she realized that it wasn't a false alarm.  
Maybe because of the not-so-refined string of words that Ino has been moaning since we left the forest. Maybe because, as soon as she climbed on the delivery room's couch, she seized my wrist, hissing: - You're not going anywhere. Got it, Nara?

All this happened eight hours ago.  
Apparently, she's already too dilated to get an epidural or any kind of painkillers. I really have no clue how is it possible that she still has all those tears to shed; even her voice hasn't decreased at all.  
On the contrary, it seems that her voice is reaching higher pitches, with every hour that goes by.  
Her father is away on a mission, but Ichiko rushed here from the shop almost immediately; she's standing behind me, clutching my shoulder every time that a "FUUUUCK!!" leaves her daughter's lips.

I'd never imagined I would ever have seen Ino in this conditions. And so closely. He fair skin is a confused ensemble of reddish stains, her hairline is darkened and covered in sweat drops. But her grip on my hand is unshaken.

Much as Sakura keeps on telling her to breathe slowly and push, Ino's breath gets always more wheezy, her body is shaken by spasms, her pain is palpable.

_Three more hours later._

Sakura's focused look lightens up: - You're close, Ino. You're almost there.  
Ino looks down at her, furious: - You already said that at least three thousand times before, dammit! Please, make it stop!  
Sakura doesn't lose her composure at all, since she's getting used to Ino's explosions. Actually, she smiles at her: - I really mean it, this time. You're almost there.  
- I can't take this anymore…  
- Ino, you _must_ take it. You're gonna make it.  
- No, no, no. I can't stand it at all…  
- Okay, listen up, Ino. You're close. Do it for your baby girl. Do it for me; I know I've never said this to you…but you're my best friend, Ino. – Sakura pauses, then grabs Ino's left hand. The cerulean band on her ring-finger reflects the light of the dawn, coming from the window. – Do it for Shikamaru, for the family you two are going to build. You're gonna make it.

My fingers intertwine with Ino's.  
She turns to me, and I simply nod.

- Shikamaru, this situation is all your fault. You know it, right? – she whispers, pouting.  
- I love you, troublesome woman.  
- …I love you too, lazy bastard.

Then her expression twitches, her eyes close shut, and her grip on my hand loosens.  
The air in the room seems to be floating, pulsing, hanging, pending.

Sakura dries her forehead with the back of her hand, and before I can even think to go back to reality, she gets closer and places a rosy wrap in my arms.  
This moment is so unreal, so weird, so irrational that I want it to last forever. Perfection.

* * *

I slept for two days. When I woke up, it was a continual coming and going of team-mates, fellow shinobis and kunoichis, parents and relatives from both our clans. I saw my father crying for the very first time since when I was born.  
Then I fell asleep again, exhausted.

As I wake up again, the room is dim, the only light coming from a bedside lamp on the nightstand.  
Shikamaru is standing in front of the window, our baby girl in his arms. He cradles her, following an unknown melody; probably invented at the moment.

- You're awake – he mutters, noticing that I'm staring at him.

I nod and sit up, patting on the mattress to let him sit next tom me.  
His expression is tired, his hair is loose and ruffled, his face is relaxed and quiet; he places the baby in my arms, and in the semidarkness I see her soft face half-closing her eyelids on those ocean-like irises. My fingertips slowly caress her minuscule nose, her tufts, which have the same color as ink; and, for a while, we stay silent; as if we were hypnotized by that creature. A creature we hadn't even met forty-eight hours ago. A creature we would give our lives for.

- What will be her name? – Shikamaru whispers, breaking the silence.  
- I never thought about that…

More silent instants, interrupted only by the ticking clock on the wall and the noise of medic nins and nurses in the corridor.

- Shikamaru, can I ask you something?  
- What?  
- When Asuma…you know, _that _day…what did he whisper in your hear?

Shikamaru's face darkens a bit, bitter and slightly sad. It's still an open wound, for both of us, I know that. Then, to my amazement, his lips curve into a smile: - Asuma once taught me that every man must find his King.  
- His King?  
- A person to live for.

I stare at him for a while: - Who's your King?

He doesn't answer; he just touches the newborn's forehead, and I don't need him to answer out loud anymore.

The sky was starless, the night we left to avenge Asuma-sensei. It was pitch black all around us, an impenetrable and freezing darkness.

- Hoshiko…  
Shikamaru looks up: - Hoshiko?  
- For the baby. Hoshiko Nara. Do you like it?

He thinks about it for a moment, glancing at me, and then at our baby girl. She just fell asleep and she breathes delicately, barely moving in her sleep.  
- I like it. Hoshiko Nara. Are you okay with giving her my surname?

I'm not scared anymore. I recall Sakura's word, my mum's word.  
"_You'll learn to love him"._

For fifteen years I had the right one next to me, and I didn't see him. And then, in a second, my life's upheaval, the premature end of my teenage years. And nine months to realize how lucky I am. He was there, he's still here, always.  
Beyond my pregnancy, beyond us being sixteen years old, beyond Asuma's death, beyond past, present and future troubles. Beyond wrong and right. Beyond everything.

I turn that cerulean band around my ring-finger, and smile.  
- Shikamaru…I want your surname too.

NOTES: "Hoshiko" means "daughter of the stars" ^^

Last chapter…Ok, now I'm getting emotional :'( I'll write again for ShikaIno, obviously; this is definitely not the last time you've seen my ShikaIno-obsession spreading through ^O^

THANK YOU, to everyone who followed every single chapter of this story, all those who reviewed it, and two girls in particular:  
Thank you, Sensei: had it not been for your fangirling, this fanfiction would have never seen the light, and probably I'd have left it unconcluded^^'  
Thank you, Elaine-chan: for your support, for reading this fanfiction and support my madness xD


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